I went to bed one night just as I usually do. I had been having trouble sleeping through the night for years. I had trouble falling asleep too. My sleeping sucked, my mind wouldn’t shut down. I look back now and wonder if the sleeplessness was my body working to “upgrade”. I knew nothing of energetics at the time. Not a lick. I would get pissed off lying in bed so long trying to will myself to sleep. I didn’t embrace what was going on because I had no idea what was going on.
Now I wonder, was that my nervous system crying out? My body begging to be loved and nurtured?
I believe it was.
My body was wrecked from unprocessed trauma and grief, from the bad decisions that I had made and was making. I didn’t love my body at the time. I hadn’t loved it in awhile.
I didn’t know that I was harming myself.
I had no awareness of any of that.
And then one night, in a half slumber, my mind popped off with a vision, my body shot straight up in bed, and I had this pit in my stomach and lump in my throat signal to me that I must take action.
That vision was myself nurturing women on retreat while my beloved teacher at the time spoke her deliciously healing words to them. We’d create a safe container in Yellow Springs, hike, eat, study, love, and connect. It was that simple.
I’m not sure how much I slept after that.
The next day, I rolled my mat out in that teacher’s class, psyching myself up to talk to her afterwards. I remember moving through class nervous, super nervous, scared of rejection, of what she might say... Because if she said, “No”, what the hell was I going to do then?
This is the crap I was telling myself,
“She doesn’t even know you.” “You’re stupid”. “You don’t even have a plan.”
Thank the Goddess I’ve got a lot of fire in me. I went up after class anyway. Invalidator voice in my head be damned!!
I can remember how my body felt. Sort of numb but tingly too, I was afraid the words wouldn’t come out…. You know all the stomach droppin’, knee knockin’ good stuff. I felt like a hot mess.
I quickly rattled off the vision then paused, holding my breath.
She took one look at me and said, “Yes.”
That was it.
She said “YES”.
I looked at her, expecting more but, that was it. I quickly said, “Okay, I’ve got a plan. I’ll be in touch. Thank you so much.”
It was that simple.
Her one YES...That one vision...That call to action...That leap of faith…
Changed my life, snapped something into place. And the Universe concurred.
The most healing work I’ve ever witnessed is done in a circle with women present. Every single time you take the impassioned teacher, the one with deep, ancestral wisdom, called here to illuminate the path for others, modeling what holding space means, and place her in a circle with others that are here to do the same (even though they may not be are aware of it yet), magic happens.
We are infinite mirrors for each other reflecting back the most beautiful and whole thing ever to be IN THE FLESH.
Human beings are extraordinary. Just look at them.
YOU ARE extraordinary.
The way you see, the way you breathe, the way you light up and break down, the way you experience birth and death.
YOU ARE POWERFUL.
When we sit in circle, we begin to remember. We start to untether, peel back, shed, speak, hear, see, feel.
Our bodies heal.
It’s a natural phenomenon. I don’t care what anyone says, it’s the most beautiful, simple, loving thing that we could do.
Listening and seeing each other without judgement is the ultimate path to your own self love.
Genuinely dialing into someone else’s pain, grief, suffering, joy, triumphs, and heart, deeply connects you to infinite wisdom. You see, we are all having our own experiences here on Earth, our perceptions of reality are all uniquely ours yet they carry the same thread.
The connecting thread is pure love. We all come from the same place.
Circle reminds us of that. Women remind us of that.